I’ve probably been on and on about this before, but if I have, it just goes to show that I’m no nearer a solution now than I was then. OK, I’m most likely making this sound more dramatic than it is; it’s my quest to find my personal style.
During my Christmas vacation I was watching a couple of What Not to Wear and got inspired. I do believe that your clothes influence how you feel. I don’t feel bad about myself I just feel boring. When I look in my closet I feel bored an uninspired, I don’t want to feel that way anymore.
I’m no stranger to reading fashion blogs and an occasional magazine, I like getting inspiration but when it comes to applying them to my daily wardrobe it’s harder.
First of all; money. I have a well-paying job, but I’m not a big spender. When I was a student I didn’t have that much money (enough, but not much), then I became unemployed and had no money. This mental block has not let go even though I now have much more money. Furthermore, I’ve never been able to understand just how much money some people can spend on one garment. I never splurge (splurging to me would be coffee money for some, not that “some” in this case have more money than me, just a different view).
Second; fit. I have a body type that doesn’t fit in anywhere. It’s hard to find clothes that look good and fit. I know Trinny and Susannah’s rules, but I’m not good at finding those things. It feels like everything is made for those of size zero, maybe a two and a four if they’re pushing it. It’s not that I can’t find clothes in my size; it’s that the clothes don’t look good on me. I have a rather large chest and I’m “normal” in waist and hip size. So once I find something that fits over my chest it just hangs down from there, giving me no shape at all. High necklines, stripes, and clothes that are impossible to wear bras underneath. The fashion bloggers, who mostly are women with children’s bodies, rave over the new fluffy skirt, which only works if you have no hips; no woman with hips would make them want to seem wider.
Third; my perception of myself. I have a pretty good outlook of my body. I don’t hate it, although I currently feel I should be more fit (too far from the gym during Christmas/New Year, then I got a bad cold that is clinging. But soon). When I see great outfits, in magazines, blogs or just my head, I like them. But I can’t see myself in them. I can’t see my lifestyle in them. And to be honest, in a way I worry what people will say. Not in the bad way, but in the overly encouraging way. “Don’t you look nice today?” “Some special occasion?” If I wear a skirt or a dress people will think I’ve dressed up, even though it’s really nothing special. If I’d be at the same level, but with pants no one would comment.
I’m thinking that obviously I shouldn’t care. But how will I feel in those clothes? I’m currently eyeing a faux leather skirt in the latest Burda magazine, as well as a tight jersey dress. How will I feel in an outfit that looks good in a magazine? Will it look as good on me? Can I get it right? Will my attempts of a personal style cross the line into weird? I don’t know.
All I know is that I’m bored with my clothes. I haven’t bought much new things because I haven’t found that much in the past years, I suck at shopping. And I’m a coward. I don’t dare to try new things or something that is not “normal”. Especially if it’s expensive.
How will I look in a faux leather skirt combined with a satin blouse? How will I feel? Will I be the person that I see in my head or will it look like I’m playing dress-up? Hard questions and I must find the answer within myself, the hardest place to look.